


I'm Sorry

by This-is-my-otp (Zetalial)



Series: Tumblr Elricest ficlets. [5]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Implied Relationships, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:00:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21629494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zetalial/pseuds/This-is-my-otp
Summary: Takes place post episode 24 of the first anime. That's just after Al's identity crisis and before they leave for Rush Valley. Just the two of them dealing with the fallout of everything that was said. Focusing on Al's guilt for once. Al feels bad and tries to talk things out. Ed is trying to move on.
Relationships: Alphonse Elric & Edward Elric, Alphonse Elric/Edward Elric
Series: Tumblr Elricest ficlets. [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1475240
Comments: 3
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is gen again, though feel free to imagine it as pre-slash if you like. It's Ed and Al talking about their feelings after all. While events may be similar in some respects to the Mangahood plot, this is definitely based on their 03 characterisations. Wrote this story ages ago, only posting it here now.

Alphonse followed his brother around anxiously, wishing he wasn't so insistent on running around the city. He was still injured from his fights in Lab 5 even if he seemed intent on proving otherwise. Just because his automail was now in perfect condition didn't mean the rest of him was equally recovered.

It wouldn't do to say anything though because Edward would just deny everything. He hated to be slowed down by his own limitations and seemed to figure that pure determination could overcome anything. It was like that with learning alchemy, attempting human transmutation, getting automail, and even joining the military. He had absolutely no patience for himself. It was both his most admirable and most infuriating trait.

But Alphonse followed him around with all the patience that his dear older brother lacked. Sometimes he felt rather like the only person in the world who could put up with Edward's antics (and maybe that was because he couldn't feel things right, not trapped inside a hollow unfeeling suit of armour). Except maybe he was looking at things backwards again and maybe the truth was that Edward was the only person selfless enough to put up with his own antics.

It had been three days since Alphonse had run away from his brother after accusing him of being fake, that Edward had never cared for him at all and that he'd been created by his brother with fake memories and fake feelings. He'd listened to the words of a serial killer and abandoned the only family he had. Edward's face had never been so… empty.

The very thought of his heartless actions still sent a disgusting wave of guilt churning through him.

Yet Edward hadn't said a word about it. He'd immediately forgiven Al and dismissed the fight with a smile and a story of fond memories. If anything, Edward seemed to act like the whole thing had somehow been all his fault using some sort of twisted logic that could only possibly make sense inside Edward's guilt-ridden mind.

"-phonse?"

Alphonse broke off from his thoughts to find Edward staring at him, looking for some sort of response. For the life of him, he couldn't remember what his brother had been talking about. Edward loved to talk, to rant, to joke, to complain, to muse aloud. Alphonse tended to let him ramble on while his own attention wandered until Edward inevitably grabbed it again.

Nevertheless, Alphonse swiftly apologised. It almost always calmed his choleric brother. "Sorry brother, I couldn't hear you. What were you saying?"

"I was saying that we've completely hit a dead end in all our research and we'll need to approach things from a different angle," Edward said, reaching out to grab Alphonse's arm. "That's why we're going to the library, come on!"

"Wait." Alphonse effortlessly ignored the grip on his arm. "You still think it's possible we can get our bodies back?"

In all the chaos of Edward's injuries and Alphonse's horribly timed lashing out at his brother, (on Edward's birthday of all times) they hadn't really discussed what they'd found out. That the philosopher's stone required human lives, that the homunculi wanted them to make one, that the military had been infiltrated by the soulless monsters.

Edward looked up at him, smiling brightly. It was a fragile, fake smile to hide his fear, Al was sure. "Yeah, of course we can!" Ed said. "I promised, didn't I?" Edward turned around once more and resumed walking.

"Yeah, you did." Alphonse said solemnly. How far would he go for him? What was Ed prepared to do, for his sake?

Edward continued in that bright tone. "It's equivalent exchange, right? If we keep working hard at it, we'll definitely get your body back. If we work hard and sacrifice enough then I know we'll be rewarded."

"That's right," Alphonse agreed, following his brother.

It was a cheerful sunny day and Ed was looking healthier than he had all week. Maybe being outside was good for him after all. They had been cooped up in the hospital for far too long. That said, he was diving into research far too quickly, as usual. Didn't he know he could take a break, that he didn't have to push himself so hard?

There was only one way to persuade Edward to do anything. "Hey Ed, mind if we take a break in that park for a little while? I've been stuck inside all week," Al suggested, gesturing towards the verdant spot located very conveniently near Central library.

"You want to waste time sitting around, staring at birds?" Irritation was evident in Ed's voice. But he paused. "Fine. Sorry for keeping you cooped up, you didn't have to stay with me, you know?"

"I wanted to," Al replied evenly.

"Still, you could stay here to relax, and I can get started on that research," Ed said, but only half-heartedly as they entered the grassy area.

The sort of work Edward was wanting to do would be the dull, tedious kind where they researched military records of certain studies that edged around the topic of human transmutation. Military documents tended to be extremely dry. They also generally had more concrete data in a more functional format than the more interesting alchemy books. It was not a fun task to do alone.

"I want you to be with me, brother."

Ed let out a large sigh, which was probably just him being dramatic. "Okay, whatever."

He marched into the park and quickly seated himself against a large tree. A flash of relief appeared on his features before being wiped away just as quickly. Quite why Ed had to consider showing any genuine positive emotion to be some sort of failure when he seemed equally intent on plastering on fake smiles at any opportunity was another one of those mysteries. Oh well. Al was usually very good at reading his brother's moods, it made him feel sort of special to know he was possibly the only person who could. He quickly joined Edward and sat down beside him.

"Happy now?" Ed inquired rhetorically.

"You don't have to be so grumpy, the library isn't going anywhere."

Ed let out a groan. "Don't say that! That's what they said about the First Branch and then it burned down!"

Alphonse mentally winced as Edward made to stand up again before Alphonse quickly put a hand on his shoulder, gently pushing him down. His comment had been a bit careless, he reflected. "Don't worry, we can see the building from here, it's not on fire."

"It'd better not be," Edward growled.

They were falling into their usual conversation habits. Ed chattered away, now musing on why the homunculi had burned down the library in the first place. Usually this was how Al liked it, but he couldn't help but imagine tension between them. Surely, Ed was still worried about everything from the fifth Laboratory. Surely, he wasn't going to brush everything off. Surely, Ed was still hurt by everything Al had said to him.

But how did he talk to his brother about it? It had been bad enough confronting him about the possibility of him being fake in the first place and he'd been lashing out in anger at the time. Didn't he owe his brother an explanation for why he'd allowed himself to think that way in the first place?

"Brother," Alphonse began, cutting into Ed's chatter. "You don't need to keep your promise, okay?"

Ed knew exactly what he meant. He became abruptly silent and wasn't meeting Al's soulfire eyes. His brother's carefully hidden emotions were visible again. Ed was affected by their argument even if he pretended not to be.

Al swiftly continued. "You don't need to get me my body back, you've already tried so hard, but it's okay." It was a comfort to know his face didn't display any of his own conflicted feelings. He desperately wanted his body back.

"No! I'm not going to give up, Al. We'll find another way," Ed protested, looking up at him with fierce determination that Al just knew was hiding pain.

"But what if," Al paused uncomfortably. "What if there isn't another way?"

Ed stood abruptly, swinging his metal fist into the tree fiercely. Bark cracked with a painfully loud sound, drawing looks from the few people walking nearby. "There has to be another way!" Ed practically yelled.

"Brother!" Al snapped. Ed froze and collapsed to the ground once more. Ed had a tendency to run off when he got angry. He loved to ignore his problems.

"It's okay. I don't blame you, alright? Even if I never get my body back, I couldn't ever hate you." That had been Ed's biggest fear and Alphonse hadn't even known until he'd asked. He'd been trapped in this body for nearly five years, he'd been with Ed all that time, and he hadn't realised.

It was ridiculous because he knew what Ed was like, he knew that Ed felt guilty, and he had been angry at Ed at times for putting him in this armour. He'd long since forgiven his brother but maybe he'd never said so? They talked all the time, but so rarely did they talk about themselves. At the same time, surely Ed had to have known how much Al cared for him? How impossible it was for him to have been faking his feelings all this time? But then, he'd accused Ed of just as much.

Ed was dangerously silent, and Al gently pulled his brother towards him. Ed didn't resist as Al lifted him into his lap and curled his unfeeling arms around him into what was hopefully a gentle hug. Al wished he had a real body so he could really wrap his arms around his brother and hug him for real. Not this fake imitation where Ed rested his head against his steel chest, acting like it was in any way comforting.

"I'm really sorry," Al said softly.

"Hmm? You don't have to be sorry for anything," Ed said immediately. From this angle, Al couldn't see his expression, but he could sense the guilt. Why did Edward have to blame himself for everything?

"Yes I do," Al replied sharply. "I shouldn't have run off the other night. I shouldn't have hit you. Shouldn't have doubted you."

"I can't imagine what it's like trapped in that armour." Ed's tone was miserable. "It is my fault you're in there and I'm going to fix you."

There was no bravado in that declaration. Ed stated it like a fact. It was the same way he'd spoken about the human transmutation. Again, Alphonse wondered: how far was his brother going to go to return their bodies to normal? It was up to him to stop his brother from going too far.

"But you're allowed to get angry, brother. I was wrong, I made a mistake! Why aren't you angry at me?"

If he wasn't holding him, Al wondered if Ed would have stormed off by now. "It makes sense that you'd have doubts, Al. Of course, you don't feel human. You've said before that you don't feel things the same way. That's why I need to get your real body back."

"But I crossed the line! I said you didn't really love me when everything you do is for my sake. You joined the military so you could search for a way to fix my body. Why would you do that if I were a fake?" Al demanded.

To Al's surprise, Ed smiled. "You were angry I was keeping secrets from you. I say all kinds of stupid things when I'm angry to get a reaction out of people. You know it was stupid, idiot. What would be the point in lashing out at you now?"

"I would think it'd make us both feel better," Al replied.

Ed was silent for a few moments. "Eh, it's seriously fine. I'm just glad you're still with me and-"

Ed began squirming and Al let his arms fall to his sides. Ed was able to stand up and turned to look directly into Al's helmet's gaze. He wrapped both his arms around Al's neck, returning the hug.

"And you know I love you," Ed muttered. "That's why I want to get you your body back. It's not just to keep a stupid promise or anything like that."

If Al could smile, he would have. A weight seemed to life itself from his mind. "And I love you too, brother," Al replied, "that's why I'm going to get you your limbs back too."


	2. Chocolates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's not Valentines day or anywhere near then. It wasn't when I wrote this piece several months ago either. This was written as a standalone piece but I also kinda of considered it a sort-of sequel even though they were written so far apart from each other. Well, I may as well post them together now.

Al felt almost ashamed to admit it, even inside his own head, but he was very glad Winry was out. She was wandering through her version of paradise in the form of the automail industry of Rush valley. Edward had decided to stay back at their accommodation, not interested in being ogled at for his arm.

Al understood the feeling – he hated the stares, even when it was just innocent curiosity much of the time. Everyone wanted to know why he wore a suit of armour and Al hated lying. It was fortunate that Ed didn’t have any such reservations and was surprisingly good at coming up with fake stories or just scaring people away.

Either way, Ed was alone, lying listlessly on the couch, an open book beside him that he’d clearly lost interest in. This was just as Al wanted, as he crept in the room, feeling self-conscious, even though it was only Ed. Was it weird that he wanted more alone-time with his brother when they’d spent so much time on their own already? Winry was wonderful, really, but it was downright strange to have her joining them.

Ed noticed him coming in; no matter how careful he was, Al could never manage to be silent. Ed shot him a warm smile before spotting the brightly coloured box in his hands. Al had bought a present for Ed while he’d been out.

“Al,” Ed greeted, sitting up slowly - somehow making the small movement look like incredible effort. “What’s that?”

Al sat down on the couch beside his brother, who automatically adjusted himself accordingly. Al may have not had a body and knew he couldn’t feel emotions the same way he used to, but he couldn’t deny the thrill of nervousness as he silently gestured for Ed to take the box.

“For me?” Ed murmured, honest surprise in his voice.

(Who else did he think it’d be for?) “That’s right, brother,” Al responded evenly. “I hope you like it.”

At his reply, Ed accepted it and didn’t hesitate before eagerly opening it up.

“Oh, chocolate! Thanks, Al,” Ed exclaimed, face lighting up with an innocent delight. “You didn’t need to act so mysterious about it.”

“I’m behaving completely normally,” Al huffed, though without any real feeling.

Had he been acting strange? Either way, watching Ed’s suddenly beaming face was lovely. Often, he missed being able to enjoy food but at least he could share in some of his brother’s joy. (Sometimes, Ed would get guilty about enjoying meals too much and Al would always insist he didn’t mind, because at least one of them got to experience them.) All too often his brother would become quiet and sombre and Al feared it was only growing worse with time. He needed to be happy more often.

Ed ignored his comment as he cheerfully picked out and ate one of the chocolates. “What’s this for anyway?” He asked.

“Uh… oh it’s nothing,” Al mumbled, looking away.

Ed paused, and Al could feel his brother’s intent gaze on him. Edward, while he had a frightfully blinkered vision at times, was very shrewd with anything drew his attention.

It didn’t take him long to come to the correct conclusion. “Wait a minute, it’s Valentine’s day, isn’t it?”

Al dared to look back at his brother. Ed had picked up another chocolate, giving it a quizzical look. “Err, yes?” Al replied.

Al couldn’t deny that the date had inspired him to buy the little gift. He knew that Ed was oblivious at times and had half-expected that his brother would miss all the implications entirely, and Al would have been fine with that. Maybe a touch disappointed. But having him actually notice was also a bit scary. It was always hard to judge whether his prickly brother would take offense and Al truly had no interest in upsetting him today.

“And you got me chocolates? This one’s actually shaped like a little heart.” Ed poked at one of the chocolates warily. It was indeed heart-shaped.

It was hard to gauge Ed’s reaction. He hadn’t blown up in anger, thankfully. But he was shooting glances at Al and the chocolates like they were some sort of complicated formula that he was struggling to solve.

“Valentine’s a day for girls to give chocolates to the boys they have a crush on, Al. Why the hell would you buy some for me!?” Ed demanded fiercely.

Al couldn’t help but flinch slightly. Ed was going to erupt into one of his angry rants after all. He could see Ed’s grip on the box tightening, his face flushing. Ed was shaking slightly – in anger, Al thought.

But then he snorted, and Al realised that it was barely contained mirth. Ed was chuckling, unable to resist a smile.

“I thought you’d like them,” Al said. There was more to it than that, though. He wanted Ed to know that he appreciated him. He wanted to say sorry for their terrible fight back in Central that Ed had so casually dismissed once it was over.

He wanted Ed to know that Al loved him, even in this body where he couldn’t feel things right. Sometimes that affection felt like all he had. It was why he had been so convinced that the feeling could have been created artificially because that was easier to understand than the truth. That his feelings were real. Ed deserved to know that.

“Heh, well of course I like them.” Ed casually leaned against Al’s metal body such that he was almost sitting on his lap and Al had to look down at him. Ed cheerfully bit into another chocolate. “They taste good, right? Wish I could share them with you.”

“It’s alright,” Al said quickly, before that familiar look of guilt could cross Ed’s – not that he could see it from this angle. “I got them for you to enjoy.”

“Yeah thanks - you don’t need to make it part of some stupid holiday tradition though.” Ed’s reply was dismissive, but Al could detect his self-conscious embarrassment.

“And I wanted you to know that I love you,” he added before he lost his nerve. 

Ed froze for an instant. “Love you too, he replied.

Al wanted to hug his brother tightly and settled for wrapping one arm gently around him. Privately, he wondered if Ed had said all he wanted to say. His response hadn’t felt like a lie but it’d been quick and automatic. He was far too good at ignoring and burying all his feelings and even Al couldn’t always read him right. How much was he driven by obligation and guilt versus love? How much anger and resentment did he hold for Al? Maybe there was none, and Ed was being open with Al. Or maybe there was something bothering him that he’d never admit.

He couldn’t wait until the day he got his body back and Ed got his limbs back – the day they’d finally both be happy and free of these chains of misunderstandings and guilt.


End file.
